Well hello there, how are we all? As you can see I am back, I am sorry for being MIA for a while but I have had a lot going on and hardly any of it good, so where do I begin??? Well first of all I exposed my dad as a child molester to my mam and she has chosen to side with him over it all, right along side my brother, so I have officially not had any contact with my family for over a year.
If that wasn’t tough or emotional enough I split with my children’s father a month ago after he attacked me after having a drink, this traumatized our children and my 3 year old tried to get between me and his father to try and keep me safe along with his 7 year old sister, thing angered me more than the actual attack on myself did.
My ex has now been on bail for nearly 2 months pending a final decision from the CPS (Crown Prosecution Service) and if he is found guilty of assault then he is looking at a minimum of 6 months in prison, however based on what the arresting officer explained to me yesterday 19/06/22 it is highly unlikely that that will happen, what will happen I am unsure but we will just have to wait and see what the final decision is, however I do know one thing….and as much as I love my ex there is no chance of a reconciliation of our relationship.
Me and the children are no longer walking on egg shells around his odd sleeping hours, and I am actually getting the home organised, and I have to be honest, it feels amazing and I am loving being able to take as much time for myself as I need during the day, I take the opportunity to meditate and this really helps me to manage my mental health and my emotions, I have always been discouraged from doing anything that actually benefited me personally, and many people have said that I am selfish for this, but at the end of the day, I am done worrying about what other people think of me.
They have not walked in my shoes or lived my life as surely as I have not walked in their nor lived their life, therefore there is nobody who has a right to pass judgement on me regarding the decisions that I make for me and my family, I am done trying to live my life based on other peoples opinions or how they think that should, this is something else that I have always been worried about in the past, but again I am working on changing this daily.
I have to be honest with myself here and say that I am finding it very difficult to change my mindset, and while I didn’t expect it to be easy I sure wasn’t expecting it to be this difficult. I am proud of myself for acknowledging the difficulty I am having and not allowing it to hold myself back anymore, this is a huge step forward for me to admit that things are difficult for me.
I am happy with the changes that are being made as much as the split with my ex hurts and has seriously affected the children, it is all for the best, we no longer have to worry about upsetting him, and the children can actually can be kids, this can be annoying at times when it is hot and I am tired, they also keep going to the point where they are over tired, and then they refuse to go to sleep.
However I am slowly…OK very slowly trying to establish some kind of bedtime routine, however this is proving to be very difficult, especially when my daughter refuses to sleep to the point I get exhausted and end up having to have them both in my bed just so I can get to sleep, I have tried meditation with her but she will not shut up long enough to listen and allow the meditation to relax her enough to actually fall asleep and get a decent nights sleep.
I also need to get consistent with working my business online as well as starting to build up my customer base up offline, I have ordered catalogs ordered and I am really looking forward to giving them out, I am feeling more and more confident every day, though I am not going to lie, knocking on peoples door and introducing myself is a scary process, however this is all about stepping out of my comfort zone.
So that is my plan for when my catalogs arrive, it is going to be a very daunting task for me to do that but as I said above, it needs to be done to actually start making money, I am going to look into how to record and edit videos on the laptop, I am so determined to make very good quality videos and uploading them to YouTube, I am not giving up on Oriflame, this company has helped to build my confidence everyday and while I am out of practice with my make up tutorials there is nothing stopping me from learning and teaching myself by watching other influencers and following along.
I am also going to be looking into some more online courses for me to do, I have always been interested into spirituality, crystals, natural healing methods and CBD, these are very important to me and I have always been discouraged from doing anything that will improve my life and ultimately the lives of my children, I am wanting to show them that anything is possible and you can make your dreams come true as long as you read the books, listen to the audio files and willing to work hard and not settle for anything less than they want, I want to teach them not to doubt themselves and allow anyone to negatively influence them, and no matter how many setbacks the get in life to keep going forward and never giving up.
But I also want to show them to enjoy their lives as well and to not alienate their future families, I mean there will be people who will try and dissuade them from working hard and they need to be strong enough mentally to ignore them and keep pushing forward to make their dreams come true.