An Emotional Day

Well today has been emotional day, I started off in a good mood and as the day went on my mood just went down hill for no known reason, just little things irritated me, things that I am normally able to laugh off and manage my emotions better just hasn’t been possible today.

I can safely say my eating and drinking crap recently hasn’t helped me or my emotions at all, I am finding myself extremely irritable and frustrated with myself and the people (mainly my kids) around me.

I am not proud of this and I am honestly trying to make the changes needed to improve my life and the lives of my kids, but with lack of support I am finding it very difficult, I am managing to make small and manageable changes to the home and I am getting there and the more I do the more I feel more confident doing things aits becoming a habit for me.

I have have came to the realization that drinking energy cans drastically affect my moods and emotions and so I am seriously going to have to seriously limit or stop drinking them altogether, I have done it before I know that I can do it again, I am not going to lie,I am really missing my ex, I love him so much and I am hoping and praying that there is going to be a chance for is to try again.

I can not help but think about the times that we were intimate with each other and how good it felt, it still arouses me when thinking about those times, I am hoping that there will be a heart felt conversation and things get said that need to be said, and I can not help but get emotional when thinking of what could have been between us, I am hoping (probably selfishly) that the intimacy is still there and that we will zct upon that intimacy.

Still Relaxed, Thats A Surprise

Well normally at this time of the evening I am pretty stressed out, and while my daughter is acting up I am proud of myself for not reacting the way that I normally would, I honestly believe that CBD products will help her remain calm and relaxed, I can honestly say I am sure they will be a huge help in helping her bedtime routine.

I will be investing in some CBD hot chocolate for me and the kids as we are all finding it very hard to sleep and get into any kind of routine around bedtime, but I am trying and I am not going to be giving up with trying, I have not been able to take them out so that they can burn off energy due to the fact that they have chicken pox and I have to be honest they are finding it difficult to get to sleep with the spots constantly itching.

I have neglected my meditation today trying to focus on her mental health as well as entertaining my son, I have found this difficult but I have tried my best and at the end of the day that is all I can do, I am doing all that I can do to manage my mental health in addition to hers, but I have to remember not to fall back into the habit of neglecting myself all the time.

I am equally important and I do need to remind myself daily that it is OK to take some time for me and do what I need to do so that I am in the best frame of mind that I can be every day so that I can do what needs to be done without putting any undue pressure on myself to do them.

I have to be honest and say that blogging has also been a huge help to me in managing my mental health, to be able to empty my head before bed allows for me to have a clear mind to be able to focus on my night time meditation session and not worry about any distracting thoughts, it also helps me to recognize when I have been distracted and get back to focusing on my breathing and not stress to much about the distraction.

Feeling Relaxed

Well for the first time in a long while I can honestly say that I am feeling relaxed and not stressed out about things, I am loving this calm feeling that I am experiencing and I am hoping that it will continue. I know that ultimately my happiness is down to myself and I am taking steps to get to where I ultimately want to be, and I am learning everyday to take some time for me and not feel guilty about it.

I am learning that it is OK to treat myself and not feel guilty about it, I am trying to make time to spend time with the kids and have loads of fun with them as they deserve to be happy as well and we are working on that, I am going to look into getting arts and crafty bits in for them, as well as starting to make home made salt dough Christmas decorations, we will also be getting at least 3 fiber optic light up villages for the window along with a snow globe.

I am also going to be 100% going to be enjoying the golden oldie Christmas songs, some of the new ones aren’t bad, but you truly can’t beat the classics to bop along to, I am also looking forward to sitting down and watching the classic festive films like the polar express, I just love the whole Christmas period.

Unity Order Placed

I am so happy right now, I have placed my first Unity CBD order in ages, I can not wait for it to arrive, I have hot 3 disposable vapes coming, I am hoping that these will help me with my anxiety management, I also have CBD gummy bear sweets coming and I am also hoping that these will help not only me start having a decent nights sleep but also my children as well.

In addition to these I have a tarot moon gift set coming and I am really hoping that this will include tarot cards but I am not going to be disappointed if they don’t as this is something that I can add on to my next order, I am going to be getting back into Unity and I am looking to get a load of our amazing fix it range like juice fix, detox fix etc and finally get into this whole weight management.

This is something that I have often struggled with and I have never really had any support with it so now that I am on my own I can finally focus on me, I know that this isn’t going to be easy and I am more than willing to give this 100% dedication, I am slowly making inroads into the mess that is my home atm and I am feeling proud of that.

I feel better knowing that I have made a decent start in getting the home organised and this is something that I am going to be keeping going, I am glad that I asked for help and though things haven’t gone fully according to plan I am in a place where things are getting done and I have not been made to feel guilty about things and everyone who has been involved have been amazing and truly supportive and non judgmental towards me.

Feeling Productive And Getting Organised.

Well it has taken me a while but I am finally feeling like I am getting somewhere, I have managed to make a start on getting the home organised, I have cleaned the living room and manages to get it organised, tomorrow I am going to be working on the kitchen and getting that all organised and all non needed bits and unwanted bit will be thrown out.

I am going to be organizing the kitchen drawers and making sure everything has its own place and nothing is going to be cluttering up the drawers any more, I feel better having made a start on getting organised, I mean I need help still but I feel better having made a start.

I have discovered that I am a person who relies on lists to manage to get anything done and I am happy enough to admit this, especially as this is something that my ex always scorned and took the mick of me for needing them, but I am definitely going to be making the most of these lists and getting things done around the home.

Getting Organised Slowly

Well things are slowly falling into place, I have taken a relaxation day today with the kids, this may seem lazy to some but at the end of the day it is something that was needed for the sake of my mental health and sanity, I have had a very stressful time recently and while I am trying to manage everything and get things done in one go, I have finally realized that this just isn’t possible.

So I am going to set myself a list of achievable tasks to do through out the day and also take as much breaks as I need to manage my mental health, I am also going to look on the PC and see if I still have the self referral forms for counselling, this is something that I need to get under way and start unraveling my past traumas.

I am also going to look into creating a financial budget spreadsheet because I am sick and tired of being in debt and struggling to manage it, I am done making excuses and struggling, this doesn’t mean that I am giving up on Oriflame that just isn’t an option for me, I am having so much fun with it and I am finally stepping out of my comfort zone and building my customers up offline.

I do need to work on my confidence though and that is something that only I can work on and get through the traumas of my past, I am not being selfish by taking care of my needs and getting my mental health under control, I am also going to invest in some CBD vapes and edibles from a company that I was affiliated with and have not really been active with for a while.

Not Doing Good Today

OMG today has not been a good today for me emotionally, I have been stressed all day and this is despite taking my medication this morning, I hate feeling like this but I am happy to know that I have a medication review at some point next week, I will be ringing to make an appointment after Monday.

Why wait until after Monday? Because I have an important conference that I can not miss, I am feeling a little overwhelmed with things but I am doing the best that I can and that all that I can do.

I am going to be carrying on with my holistic facials diploma as well, and I am so excited to finally complete that, I need loads of notebooks tough as mine are always going missing, and by missing I mean that my kids keep grabbing them and putting them and forgetting where, this is every time I get myself a new notebook and despite me telling them not to touch, they have plenty of doodle paper here that they can be using for drawing on and they have colouring books as well.

People have called me selfish for trying to build up my self confidence and making my dreams come true, but I am not going to worry any more about what others think, and while I know that this won’t be easy but it is something that will only benefit me and my children at the end of the day.

Feeling Better Daily

Well I am happy to report that by taking control and managing my health daily I am getting better every day, it isn’t easy and I am not going to lie to myself and pretend that I am OK any more when I am not, I have always had to hide how I am feeling for everyone else in my life and I need to stop that, how I am feeling is just as important as anyone else.

I am also very excited because I have taken a chance and signed up for the Cardiff half marathon in October, this will be my first ever event like this but it definitely will not be the last I can assure you, I am going to get serious about my training and take out a gym membership to work on my strength and cardio fitness, yes I know walking is good and while I enjoy it, I can honestly say I think I prefer running.

I have also taken out a 12 week countdown with Slimming World and I am happy that not having funds to go will no longer be an issue for me, next payday there will be a large shopping order being placed and it will mainly be slimming world foods again as my daughter has also said that she enjoys them, this makes me very happy as I don’t have to worry about cooking different meals for me and the kids.

I am also going to be getting back into my Herbalife Nutrition, going to deactivate my distributor account and resign up next year, I am going to be more focused and determined to loose this weight and just overall become a much healthier version of myself, there is no more holding me back, no more negative self talk and I am going to immerse myself in self help books along with motivational books and books that are going to help me build an amazing thriving online business and start making money.

I am happy though as well because I have managed to put in my 1st Oriflame order in a while, it may have only been for a skin care set and kids vitamins, I am going to be getting back into taking my wellwoman supplements daily and they definitely benefit me, I’m am glad to be starting to feel more and more like myself everyday, I still have a very long way to go before I am fully content within myself, but to be finally taking those steps to self empowerment is an amazing feeling and one I want to instill in my kids so that they don’t doubt themselves the way I grew up doing.

Been A While But Had A Lot Going On….

Well hello there, how are we all? As you can see I am back, I am sorry for being MIA for a while but I have had a lot going on and hardly any of it good, so where do I begin??? Well first of all I exposed my dad as a child molester to my mam and she has chosen to side with him over it all, right along side my brother, so I have officially not had any contact with my family for over a year.

If that wasn’t tough or emotional enough I split with my children’s father a month ago after he attacked me after having a drink, this traumatized our children and my 3 year old tried to get between me and his father to try and keep me safe along with his 7 year old sister, thing angered me more than the actual attack on myself did.

My ex has now been on bail for nearly 2 months pending a final decision from the CPS (Crown Prosecution Service) and if he is found guilty of assault then he is looking at a minimum of 6 months in prison, however based on what the arresting officer explained to me yesterday 19/06/22 it is highly unlikely that that will happen, what will happen I am unsure but we will just have to wait and see what the final decision is, however I do know one thing….and as much as I love my ex there is no chance of a reconciliation of our relationship.

Me and the children are no longer walking on egg shells around his odd sleeping hours, and I am actually getting the home organised, and I have to be honest, it feels amazing and I am loving being able to take as much time for myself as I need during the day, I take the opportunity to meditate and this really helps me to manage my mental health and my emotions, I have always been discouraged from doing anything that actually benefited me personally, and many people have said that I am selfish for this, but at the end of the day, I am done worrying about what other people think of me.

They have not walked in my shoes or lived my life as surely as I have not walked in their nor lived their life, therefore there is nobody who has a right to pass judgement on me regarding the decisions that I make for me and my family, I am done trying to live my life based on other peoples opinions or how they think that should, this is something else that I have always been worried about in the past, but again I am working on changing this daily.

I have to be honest with myself here and say that I am finding it very difficult to change my mindset, and while I didn’t expect it to be easy I sure wasn’t expecting it to be this difficult. I am proud of myself for acknowledging the difficulty I am having and not allowing it to hold myself back anymore, this is a huge step forward for me to admit that things are difficult for me.

I am happy with the changes that are being made as much as the split with my ex hurts and has seriously affected the children, it is all for the best, we no longer have to worry about upsetting him, and the children can actually can be kids, this can be annoying at times when it is hot and I am tired, they also keep going to the point where they are over tired, and then they refuse to go to sleep.

However I am slowly…OK very slowly trying to establish some kind of bedtime routine, however this is proving to be very difficult, especially when my daughter refuses to sleep to the point I get exhausted and end up having to have them both in my bed just so I can get to sleep, I have tried meditation with her but she will not shut up long enough to listen and allow the meditation to relax her enough to actually fall asleep and get a decent nights sleep.

I also need to get consistent with working my business online as well as starting to build up my customer base up offline, I have ordered catalogs ordered and I am really looking forward to giving them out, I am feeling more and more confident every day, though I am not going to lie, knocking on peoples door and introducing myself is a scary process, however this is all about stepping out of my comfort zone.

So that is my plan for when my catalogs arrive, it is going to be a very daunting task for me to do that but as I said above, it needs to be done to actually start making money, I am going to look into how to record and edit videos on the laptop, I am so determined to make very good quality videos and uploading them to YouTube, I am not giving up on Oriflame, this company has helped to build my confidence everyday and while I am out of practice with my make up tutorials there is nothing stopping me from learning and teaching myself by watching other influencers and following along.

I am also going to be looking into some more online courses for me to do, I have always been interested into spirituality, crystals, natural healing methods and CBD, these are very important to me and I have always been discouraged from doing anything that will improve my life and ultimately the lives of my children, I am wanting to show them that anything is possible and you can make your dreams come true as long as you read the books, listen to the audio files and willing to work hard and not settle for anything less than they want, I want to teach them not to doubt themselves and allow anyone to negatively influence them, and no matter how many setbacks the get in life to keep going forward and never giving up.

But I also want to show them to enjoy their lives as well and to not alienate their future families, I mean there will be people who will try and dissuade them from working hard and they need to be strong enough mentally to ignore them and keep pushing forward to make their dreams come true.

Feeling excited 😊

Omg I’m feeling crazy excited right now πŸ™‚πŸ˜» I have placed an Oriflame order and it’s currently in transit and should be her on Wednesday so I truly cannot wait for it to arrive πŸ™‚ I don’t treat myself often but recently my confidence has been growing daily and I feel amazing but I also feel the need to treat myself so I did.

I have finally got myself a complete NovAge skin care set and I know my skin is going to feel amazing once I start using it daily without fail πŸ™‚. I also have perfume, a tinted moisturiser and an eye shadow duo coming which means I can start doing fb lives again I really miss doing those πŸ™‚.

I have also got my next order ready to be placed and it’s mainly our wellness products so vitamins and minerals a Norrsken ring, shampoo, conditioner and a hair mask along with I’m going to be trying one of our amazing hair oils as well.

Life is much more positive for me now and I am determined to keep it that way as much as I possibly can, I know it isn’t going to be easy but it will definitely be worth it.