Feeling excited 😊

Omg I’m feeling crazy excited right now 🙂😻 I have placed an Oriflame order and it’s currently in transit and should be her on Wednesday so I truly cannot wait for it to arrive 🙂 I don’t treat myself often but recently my confidence has been growing daily and I feel amazing but I also feel the need to treat myself so I did.

I have finally got myself a complete NovAge skin care set and I know my skin is going to feel amazing once I start using it daily without fail 🙂. I also have perfume, a tinted moisturiser and an eye shadow duo coming which means I can start doing fb lives again I really miss doing those 🙂.

I have also got my next order ready to be placed and it’s mainly our wellness products so vitamins and minerals a Norrsken ring, shampoo, conditioner and a hair mask along with I’m going to be trying one of our amazing hair oils as well.

Life is much more positive for me now and I am determined to keep it that way as much as I possibly can, I know it isn’t going to be easy but it will definitely be worth it.

Feeling amazing and Inspired.

So today was amazing honestly after a rough start for me emotionally things really started to improve as the day went on, first of all my boyfriend allowed me to nap and rest after a rough night with our son, this was so important to me as I had my 2nd driving lesson today and that went really well, I still have way to go before I am fully comfortable behind the wheel of the car but I am getting there.

Then when I came home He cooked dinner so I could spend time with the kids and relax and get them settled for the night, I have been relaxing on the bed and watching clips on YouTube and not allowing myself to get to engrossed otherwise I will never get to sleep.

Finally managed to self refer for therapy for historical sexual abuse by my dad when I was younger I am just waiting on an appointment so as soon as that comes through I can start managing my emotions better and being kinder to myself all around.

Feeling inspired to switch up my mindset and the way I talk to myself on a daily basis, it’s not easy but it’s something that needs to be done, I’m also resided against going back to Acti labs now known as Urban retreat, and instead focus on my Oriflame business, that’s not to say that I’m not going to buy from Acti, I just won’t be promoting it.

I just feel more comfortable focusing on Oriflame than going back over old ground with Acti, I’m having amazing results with Oriflame products and their skin care doesn’t make my skin feel greasy or my pores clogged up.

Walked away from fakeness to set myself free.

Well it’s official I have walked away from Herbalife because, it wasn’t for me, the products are amazing and I do love them but I don’t like the fakeness that I had become to myself, I wasn’t being honest with myself I just lost my way with them and so I knew it was time to walk away.

So after much deliberation with myself I have rejoined Slimming World, and tonight for the first time ever I have started my online shopping purely around some recipes that I really want to try, I’m super excited for this journey as I have also joined a local gym that I will be attending regularly, I’m aiming for 2-3 says per week of going to the gym in addition to walking a heap loads more than I have been recently.

I am also going to be getting serious about my half marathon training In determined to get the 13.1 miles in one run consistently, and once I’m comfortable doing the distance I’m going to go for time, I would love to get the distance complete in less than 4 hours, but I don’t know if that’s realistic as I seriously have been slacking with my training and I’m not happy with myself for that.

I am so proud of myself for recognising that I was being fake to myself and was able to walk away without any guilt about it, I’m going to take some time trying do discover who I am as a person and take each day at a time, though I am not going to lie to myself any more I am really tempted to go back to Acti labs as they have now officially became partnered with Urban Retreat, and although the products were epic before they have truly become amazing, especially the make up range.

Lost my way a bit but now I’m back to myself.

Ok I know I am not a daily blogger and I do go a while between blogs but that’s simply because I often have to unravel things in my mind and make sense of my thoughts before blogging them.

I’m not new to blogging but I can often struggle with a blog post concept while also being honest with myself about how I’m feeling at any given moment, and I often get an urge like right now to blog to silence my brain for the night.

So recently I lost my way mentally and emotionally I some how managed to convince myself for a few days that I was ok when I knew so wasn’t and therefore didn’t take my medication, neglected my personal hygiene and just rode the downer wave briefly.

I can’t say what triggered that downfall I just kind of gave up on myself I guess, and that isn’t a good thing at all, so I have crawled out of that dark place, and I can’t say I won’t return there, because in all honesty I probably will, but I also know that I possess the strength to get out of it again however long that takes me, I now know that I am not going through this alone and that I need to shake myself up quite a bit but I’m taking this journey one step and one day at a time and trying not to get frustrated with myself over any little thing.

I also need to get back into my meditation every night before bed, I also need to get into the habit and routine of meditating in the mornings to start the day with positive thoughts and taking time during the day to remain grounded and focused on myself, I really enjoy meditating and I feel much more calm and relaxed and in control after a good meditation session.

I have this horrible habit of feeling selfish if I take to much time for myself and that is silly because by taking time for me and managing my mental health will ultimately teach my children how to manage their own mental health issues and any frustrations that they may have.

It may seem like I’m pushing this onto them but my daughter often asks for meditation music before falling into a nice deep relaxed sleep for the night, I am exactly the same I sleep better after unwinding and relaxing and letting go of the days stresses at night.

Even something as simple as having a bath and a pamper session makes me feel good about myself but if I do this to frequently in the week I end up feeling guilty like I’m taking advantage even though I know I’m not.

So I’m going to try and allow myself a pamper session once a week that included a full facial and not feel guilty about it, it is easier to pamper myself when the kids are in bed sleeping but I’m not going to limit myself, if I feel like pampering myself I’m going to.

Back on Antidepressants, Bipolar assessment referral done, also sterilisation referral put in and finally self referral therapy forms received.

Ok so this may very well be a long blog post but do you know what? That’s ok, I have taken a lot of positive steps to regain control of my mental health recently and the biggest by far is asking to be put back on antidepressants….for a long time I have felt out of the loop mentally struggling to just do the basic daily tasks like house work and laundry.

It was scary for me to admit that I wasn’t coping very well but my boyfriend has been amazingly supportive and encouraging with me, I hate taking medication as it would be so easy for me to take more than I was meant to (this is how I previously thought btw) but now I know that the medication is needed.

So that was positive step no 1 taken step number 2 was to request a bipolar assessment and I’m hoping that the lady I spoke to has made the referral for me because I know that there is something wrong with me beyond my depression and anxiety, and I’m happy to have finally been brave enough to fight for my mental health I just need to fully understand the issues I’m going through.

Step 3 is requesting sterilisation!!! This is by far the most scariest step of all as I know I will be in agony as I recover from the op, but at the same time my family is complete and I don’t want to keep having contraceptive injections every 3 months to prevent pregnancy.

I hate needles, I do not like them one bit, I hate the pain in my arm and the muscle spasms I sometimes get when the needle is being put in, they make the pain worse.

And finally step four, requesting self referral forms for therapy…this is going to be a difficult journey as there is way to many knots to unravel and a whole heap anger and self doubt and hatred to wade through with my non existent child hood, a history of being strong for everyone else and suffering in silence for over 10 years of my life, finally became brave enough to speak out and everyone who promised to be there for me no matter what has full on abandoned me and left me alone.

I am finally slowly but surely gaining confidence in myself and I have to admit that a huge part of this is my Herbalife journey, the amazing community that I have became a part of has helped encourage me to seek the help that I desperately need and helped me finally see through the BS that I was telling myself.

This has been invaluable to me and I owe so much to this amazing community I finally no longer feel alone in this Journey and this has also been a very big factor in why I have constantly held myself back from working towards my full potential and fully loose weight.

For the first time ever a I am consistently loosing weight and I am very happy about that, though when I workout/walk/jog I do get a tightness in my chest that can and has felt very constrictive at times BUT I don’t give up I slow down as needed and remind myself to remain calm and not over think anything.

A new Journey and Feeling Amazing 🙂

Ok so I have started a new journey with Herbalife and I have to be honest since starting on the products I feel amazing xxx kit as lethargic as I used to feel, I officially started on Wednesday and it is army official weigh in day tomorrow, now I know I’m not going to be seeing huge results in a few days but I’m excited to see what changes have happened.

I have increased my water intake quite a bit managing between 2-2.5litres of water a day, was 500ml short yesterday, but I am on target today and that’s the main thing, need to seriously get into my meal prep and eating decent proteins rich meals.

I’m scared about posting these images but I need to be 100% honest with myself if I am going to seriously make the changes I need to make, these are my starting weight and before pics.

This is my starting point I am very happy to have started this journey and I am determined to loose the weight.. I know it won’t be easy but nothing worth having/that will benefit me is easy to come by, I finally have a support network behind me who is supporting me and giving me amazing recipe ideas.

Even my boyfriend is like ok let’s get fresh meat, fruit and veggies in, we are also going to be buying a steamer 🙂 this I am crazy excited about because I love steamed chicken, rice and veggies 🙂😍

Back on Track

Yay it feels amazing to finally be back on track 🙂 changes take a while to adjust to but I’m getting there.

Today I took my daughter down to the hospital regarding the turn in her eye and she has to wear an eye patch for 2 hours a day to try and strengthen the sight in that eye a bit more.

Then we went to Aberdare done food shopping, got some snacks in and just had a chilled out day xx

Feeling content at the moment

Well I have to say after my initial blog I am feeling content, feel in control of my emotions and even managing not to be stressing out about the kids bed time routine, don’t get me wrong I have wanted to reach out to my mam but then I remember why I cant, and although it hurts I know that I have made the correct decision and I need to accept it and move on and allow myself to feel happy.

I have been punishing myself for years and that seriously needs to end right now, it’s ok not to be ok and need time for me, that isn’t being selfish, being selfish is continuing to ignore my own feelings, feeling like I do not deserve to be happy, and that what’s gone on is my fault, I didn’t instigate my dad to do what he done, he didn’t listen when I said no, the problem is his not mine.

I have started belly dancing today just basic shimmies and hip drops that I am going to be focusing on, I also have a mini routine that I am going to be working on as well, I already feel more empowered and a little more confident but I definitely have a very long way to go before I am where I want to be, but I’m moving forward and that’s the main thing.