Finally feeling content within myself

So tonight I am sat in my bedroom listening to my son murmur away in his travel cot, and reflecting on how much my life has changed and realising how much drama is now no longer in my life.

I feel much more in control of things I am becoming much more grounded everytime I meditate and it is actually something that I have started to look forward to doing.

It is hard to get just a few minutes alone with two kids but I have started meditating first thing in the morning from today and I will meditate before bed each night.

I feel alot less stressed out, I feel back in control emotionally and I cant state how grateful I am about that.

In regards to my businesses both Acti and Unity are doing well, both empower me so so much I feel like I am helping to provide for my family and that makes me feel good.

I am really looking forward to my holiday in July to Scotland with the kids, my boyfriend will be staying here because we are hoping that he will be working by then.

I started using my unity patchfix last night and I have to say I am feeling pretty good atm, I started out at 16 stone 0.2lbs so I’m super excited to see my results in a week.

Relieved 2019 is finally over, drama is done, 2020 will be amazing.

Omg do you know that feeling you get when you feel so inspired and motivated? Well right now I am having that feeling 😊

As you will know the last few months of 2019 were very tough on me emotionally, but I know that I have made the right decision to expose my dad the way that I did.

Now there in no negativity hanging over my head and I 100% will make my dreams come true, I will see a few live plays, I will be starting my driving lessons in February which I am really crazy excited about.

I will also start taking time out for just me once a month to get a massage, and my hair and nails done, I am really excited about the future now.

Am I putting to much pressure on myself?

Ok so today I am about as conflicted as anyone person can be with themselves, for the last 2 nights I have been sleeping on the floor in the kids bedroom because my son has been teething really bad, and as a result I haven’t been sleeping well.

Today I fell asleep at 1pm and I can honestly say I would have slept all night if my boyfriend hadn’t woken me up rather rudely at 7pm, calling me lazy and selfish….

Since being awake I have sat in our room in the dark thinking….and I am beginning to wonder if I am putting to much pressure on myself? Am I causing myself so much stress by believing that the kids are soley my responsibility?

All I keep hearing in my head is my boyfriend saying over and over again that I get paid to look after them, am I taking that literally? Is that why I feel guilty everytime I try and take a few minutes a day for myself? Is this why I keep burning myself out trying to get things done?

How can I change and be ok with having a soak in the bath, when wont I feel guilty about having a nap and not get grouchy and snap? When will I believe that it’s ok to want time to myself and be Rachel rather than just mam?

Trying to sleep on the kids floor isn’t fun.

Omg so it is currently 04:10am and I am wide awake, why? Because I am trying to get some sleep on the kids floor.

My bf isn’t well so I cant be sleeping with him atm, my yoga mat is insufficient at keeping the cold out of my back which is already aching like heck.

My only hope really is to try and get as much sleep as possible and struggle through tomorrow as best as I can.

I just hope that what ever bug he has passed quickly so that I can get a comfortables night sleep.

Christmas wasnt to bad all things considered.

Well I was pleasantly surprised at how well christmas went considering all of the drama that has gone on in the lead up to the special day.

I mean me no longer talking to my parents, not being able to afford more than one gift each, I know it’s not about the quantity of gifts, but being together as a family is really important, for me personally it’s all about family.

I’m sure I’m not the only parent who wishes that they could give their kids everything that they want but it’s just not possible.

Anyway I am already beginning to plan next Christmas, I am so determined that my kids will enjoy the spirit of christmas, not just presents under the tree but the trimmings as well, I will take them out to look at the Christmas lights and play christmas music and have a full blown traditional christmas.

There will be no more last minute shopping for me next year and my boyfriend will have more than one gift as well next year.

I will also begin really focussing on Acti as well, no more holding myself back, no more allowing self doubt to dictate to me how my life is going to be bring on 2020 I’m ready.

Slimming World Diet Coke Chicken and Veggie Rice.

Ok so again there has been a delay in my blogging, but that’s because you know wifi has temp been turned off and I ran out of data.

But I am back and I feel amazing, I’m not going to lie the 1st xmas without talking to my mam has been tough but then I expected it to be.

The kids don’t have much for xmas I the terms of gifts but they have something and we have each other and that’s all we need.

Next year is going to simply be amazing, I have booked in my driving lessons starting on 14/2/20 which I am equally excited and nervous about as well.

I cant wait to buy my 1st car, it will be 2nd hand starting off to get my insurance premiums down and without a single claim…well I’m hoping anyway lol.

I am really excited because once I pass my test either next year or the year after I want to go to Ireland for a holiday with the kids xx.

Anyway I’m sorry I started rambling on lol I’m just so excited, anyway the title of this blog is Slimming world diet coke chicken with veggie rice.

I loved it.



Ingredients:

2 chicken breasts

2 garlic cloves

Salt

Pepper

1 can diet coke

Frozen veg

Rice

Cook the chicken according to package instructions (if using frozen) if using fresh cook until fully cooked through.

Cook the vegetables and rice in salted boiling water until cooked through.

Put the coke and garlic into a saucepan and reduce to your liking.

Once the chicken is cooked dice it up and add it to the coke.

Serve over veggie rice and enjoy x

First Christmas not speaking to my family..

Omg today has been such an emotionally tough day, since exposing my ‘dad’ as a child molester my entire family have abandoned me.

I fully expected that to happen but I wasnt prepared for the emotional onslaught that I have felt today, I have been a complete wreck.

I really do not know what more I can do tbh, I will get through this but I know it is going to be really tough on me…